i permit you to call me
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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