I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
