i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
