My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
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