One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
