I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
