My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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