Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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