i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
