I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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