Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
