I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
