So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
