haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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