I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
