Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
