Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Randomize
