Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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