i think my tv is drunk
Jerry, you need to find god
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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