When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
