those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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