Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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