I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
