So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize