Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
