apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
