YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
