haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
