I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
