Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
