My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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