Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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