sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Randomize
