You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize