I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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