I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
