I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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