I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
