Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
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