I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
