On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
