I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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