forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
