I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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