first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
