can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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