I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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