can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
