Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Randomize
