YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
