If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
