We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
