I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
