FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Randomize
