Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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