I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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