I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
