farters have to be the big spoon...
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
