Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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