genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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