Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
