Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
