she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Please don't give away my fajitas
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