You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I am one with the molecules
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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