Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
