her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
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