I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
