I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
