I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Randomize
