I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
