8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Randomize
