The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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